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                          “斷舍離”拯救我們的內心秩序

                          來源: www.numenleather.com 時間:2019-06-03 編輯: 人生感悟
                          “斷舍離”拯救我們的內心秩序

                          內心秩序是每個人內心預設的一系列期望,這些期望是合情理的,當它們沒被滿足,我們就會產生一系列情緒,生氣、傷心、郁悶。當內心的秩序被打破失去平衡的時候,最重要的是我們該怎么辦?有人笑稱恢復內心秩序最好和他人吵一架,例如夫妻兩人對誰做家務、要去誰家過周末的時候,把自己的想法說出來,找一個平衡的方法,吵一吵還真的能解決問題。可我覺得一招鮮也解決不了所有 撲面而來的問題。

                          首先要知道人的內心秩序是怎么來的?在成人世界的秩序感,是來自于內心對待一定目標的要求程度,如果能按照自己內心的要求去做,就會有很大的秩序感,如果沒有按照自己內心的要求做,秩序感就會降低很多。越是在比較慌忙的時候,我們越是期望保持內心的秩序感,這樣才能撫平我們心中的焦慮,能夠消除雜念,沉淀好能量,這樣才能重新贏回對于生活的方向。
                           
                          有序可以使人變得安定下來,無序就會讓人變得慌亂,現在仔細地想想,在很多的時候我們的生活變得失控起來,或者是我們內心的瓦解,都是因為我們在生活中的小事的失序開始的。
                           
                          例如自己對家庭環境整潔有要求,我辛苦收拾好屋子,孩子弄亂了,我就會忍不住去收拾(強迫癥發作),可收拾過程我又忍不住嘮叨,如果沒有得到歉意,就會發脾氣。許多時候,別人不是故意讓我們失望的吧。孩子天性愛動,東西擺在那很整潔,可如果沒人玩耍,就失去它的意義了。
                           
                          所以內心稍存的理智又會告訴我不該這樣,我需要用其他的方法解開這個死循環。試著對孩子說出我的期望,我希望她們在不想的時候收拾好自己的玩具,玩具屬于你,你要責任收拾好她們。比起我的嘮叨和埋怨,她們更接受我的這種方式,在收拾玩具的過程參與家務活動,理解了媽媽的一些想法,也懂得了責任的意義。
                           
                          后來看到一片文章稱這是非暴力溝通的一種形式,一個情緒激動對情緒激動的人,不會有好結果的。發泄能滿足一時的情感需求,但當情緒恢復平靜的時候,需要解決的問題變得更難了。
                           
                          還接著說整理房間吧,有一天我突然意識到,自己對于內心混亂的厭惡跟對凌亂環境的厭惡完全一樣。生活空間是人內心的外在體現,整理屋子的同時,整潔的不止是環境,更是內心的秩序。整理屋子的過程中,我把物品分類:不常用的,常用的。不常用的物品進行取舍,有的可以丟掉,剩下的放在不那么方便取用的地方。常用物品放在方便取用的地方,并且要買自己很喜歡的那種,用起來才會很開心。
                           
                          我有一個書架,擺滿了各類書籍,書的內容涉獵廣泛,都想做那本被我“翻牌子”的書。按理說買之前都是試讀過的心頭愛,現實并不符合規律,常常看著一架書籍,再沒了心情翻開任一本書。于是我自己打破了這種秩序,去辦了一張借書證,偶爾也買,可也一定是我讀過兩遍以上的,也有做收藏的意味。相比“大而全”我覺得“少而精”更適合自己些。誰說秩序打破就一定要照樣復原,重建新的秩序,能讓我們發現不一樣的自己。一起感悟人生做更好的自己。
                           
                          2000年時,日本“雜物管理咨詢師”山下英子女士提出了“斷舍離”概念。斷舍離三個字,實際上各有含義,原書描述如下(以下的一些觀點非我原創,而來自網絡):
                           
                          斷:斷絕想要進入自己家的不需要的東西
                           
                          舍:舍棄家里到處泛濫的破爛兒
                           
                          離:脫離對物品的執念,處于游刃有余自在的空間
                           
                          人是依靠習慣的動物,每天有高達70%的動作都是重復。人在家中的移動軌跡,會形成一條動線,這條動線上使用的物品,使用率高達90%,而他們在家中的數量,卻只占全部物品的10%。這是二八定律的典型案例。
                           
                          判斷一件物品是否無用,最好的方法,不是思考它的用處,而是回想它的使用頻率,如果一年以上都沒有使用過,就是毫無疑問的無用之物,這是你親自用行為作出的證明,不需投入太多的留戀和感情。
                           
                          斷舍離的價值觀認為,物品需要被使用才有價值,而反復的利用才是對它最大的尊重,而一個堆滿被遺忘物品的儲藏室,不過是一個室內的垃圾箱。因此在斷舍離的世界觀里,販賣儲物空間的宜家不值一提。
                           
                          收納盒,收納柜之類的家具,其倡導的收納也有巨大的陷阱,人其實是非常依賴直覺的動物,所有被收起來的東西,只要不經常出現在眼前,就不會被想起。而不被想起的東西,自然也就不會使用,變成了多余之物。
                           
                          你需要思考一件物品,它將被如何使用,存放,清潔,保養,修理,直到報廢。一旦開始在購買前考慮所有的細節,就會發現很多商品其實不如人意,輕易就能熄滅被商家促銷而點燃的小火苗,把人生中大部分你其實并不需求的商品拒之門外。
                           
                          這一路走來的心路歷程說明,人要逐漸認識到自己想要的生活,所以那些看起來華美宏大,但是跟你內心世界的不符因素就再也不會影響到你。
                           
                          很多人在深入實踐斷舍離后,生活中變得更加積極,在人生中向前一步,作出重大轉變:比如搬家到一個思慕很久的地方,找一份心儀的新工作,甚至是離婚或者結婚。這種現象的背后,有深刻的心理學原因。
                           
                          思考物品是否應該丟掉,是一個自我反省的過程,我們被迫審視身邊的環境和流程,把已經過于熟悉的生活變得重新陌生。我們不斷丟掉東西,每收拾完一個角落,就能享受一個小空間重新變得整潔的快樂,這種每天都能夠達成的小目標,讓你感到開心,甚至產生安全感。
                           
                          沒有什么活動,能像斷舍離一樣,如此輕松的就能讓你獲得成就,而且這種成就感完全無需和他人發生關聯,它不是一種競爭,只能靠你自己完成,在獨立思考后作出選擇,構建自己內心的秩序。
                           
                          一個勇敢堅強的人,內心世界也往往相當堅定,不會輕易受人影響,而斷舍離正是練習內心秩序最便捷的工具。(獨居的人更容易開始斷舍離,其中的原因是不言而喻的,和家人一起居住,就必須作出各種妥協,人類不是一種獨居的物種,在相處中學會平等,尊重和妥協的藝術,既是調節體內激素分泌,健康生活的需要,也是人生的魅力所在。)
                           
                          最后我希望成為一個帶給家庭成員更多溫暖的人。www.numenleather.com
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