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                          家庭才是孩子真正的起跑線

                          來源: www.numenleather.com 時間:2018-12-29 編輯: 人生感悟
                          家庭才是孩子真正的起跑線

                          前幾年社會流行說不要讓自己的孩子輸在起跑線上。但是事實上,起跑線就是我們的家庭,就是我們這些做父母的所有的一切資源:父母的智商、父母的情商、父母的日常習慣、父母的性格、父母所屬的社會階層,等等,這些才是孩子真正的起跑線。

                          至于三歲識了多少字?六歲會不會英語?這些并不是什么起跑線,大部分不過是焦慮且無知的父母的虛榮心罷了。其次,起跑線只是所謂成功的一個條件,還有很多因素,例如社會,環境,擇業,機遇對人生也會有影響。如果非要給人生定個輸贏,在人生的這場馬拉松中,最寶貴的、最重要的事情是:父母的習慣就是我們的習慣,父母的性格就是我們的性格。

                          因此父母到達的高度才是孩子的起點。如果父母想要孩子超越自己,那么需要先達到一個高度。人人都想跨階層,被心中的那個上層接受。除了可以看得見的努力,拼的最核心的要素是習慣。

                          撫養方式、教養方式,是會遺傳的。其實,性格也是,行為習慣更是。只不過,行為習慣絕大部分的決定因素不是基因,但勝似基因的強效力。

                          習慣是從出生習得的,你可以想象一下,你是什么時候有了自主意識?大概是初中、高中時期,甚至大學畢業,才對社會階層有了初步認識。而有些早熟的人,應該從小學高年級就有了自主意識,一路不斷積累能力,所以能走在同伴前端。而多數的人上了大學后,真正放飛了自我,喪失了目標,逃課掛科、天天網聊、游戲、追趕時尚潮流,四年下來還能改變嗎?而做事的方法論,基本是靠一路遇到的名師、卓越同類所指引習得的,你有沒有呢?那么社交能力呢?那么需要很多年很多年、很多很多習慣和毅力積累起來的文化資本呢?那么經濟資本呢?

                          更可怕的是,這些因素之間都是連鎖效應,都是!所有因素都相互作用、相互影響。最可怕的是窮人、社會底層的人,還習得了一些相對來說對跨越社會階層更不利的品質:自卑,懶惰,無趣,短視,暴戾,散漫,輕易放棄,保守等。

                          很多父母對我以上說的話早就了然于心,努力給孩子創造一個好的家庭教育環境。但優秀的家庭教育不僅僅是省吃儉用,報最好的培訓班;拼命掙錢,買學區房;低三下四找關系,想讓孩子入讀好學校,也不是在主流的功利教育現實面前,大喊還孩子一個無憂無慮的童年,抵制應試教育。因為我們既不是不玩高考的上層,也不是放棄高考的底層,我們是焦慮的中層,是社會上最焦慮那一群人。

                          面對各種教育洪流,父母最該做的不是想對策、占些小便宜、走捷徑,而是先要穩定自己的內心。

                          有一位教育工作者說了一句話,我表示贊同。每個孩子都在成長,前提是你是否“看見了”。當我們擁有成長型思維,就會看見。愛是深深的看見,看見他的努力,看見他的進步,看見他的不安,看見他的渴望,并接納他的不足。有多少孩子是在完成著父母的心愿?有多少孩子被家長強制放棄興趣愛好?用別人家的孩子鞭策著?

                          當有一天孩子不再和你說話,關上心門拒絕父母的進入,那么也就真的無從了解孩子了。沒有完美的父母,也沒有完美的孩子,欣賞孩子的優點同時也接受他們的缺點。

                          其次,就是發自內心喜歡他的每一個老師,無論是班級科任老師,還是第二課堂老師,或是學校其他熟識的老師。父母對老師的態度,直接影響孩子的學習態度。

                          然后跟同學相處融洽,學習上互相幫助,課后一起瘋玩瘋長,親密無間,他還認識很多班級之外的孩子。孩子的童年小伙伴是她一輩子最珍貴的資源和記憶。

                          勵志專家卡耐基說:成功15%靠專業技能,85%靠人際交往與溝通。良師益友是他在格校收獲的無比重要的財富,是那85%的內容之一。

                          那85%的內容其實就是教育家常講的“人格”,而人格是什么呢?人格是人的一種行為傾向,一種穩定的行為模式。

                          用直觀的衡量指標評估一下孩子的人格養成程度:是自信還是自卑?是友善還是冷漠?是有責任感還是沒責任感的?是善于自我管理的還是生活雜亂的?是有抗挫折能力還是脆弱不堪?然后著重培養。

                          引導孩子興趣廣泛化,并堅持下去。運動、閱讀、旅行、釣魚、書法、舞蹈、音樂、繪畫,只要孩子走心,不要成人的眼光定標準。帶6歲女兒學國畫的時候,常聽到家長批評孩子畫的不好,和老師要求的不一樣,甚至私下指導孩子。我勸家長多鼓勵,讓孩子堅持下去。因為開始我也犯過這樣的錯誤,后來女兒把畫給我看時,我會換一種眼光看她的畫,而不是“像不像””“美不美”。孩子漸漸喜歡上國畫課,還對我說,老師無論她們畫成什么樣都夸獎她們,還為她們的畫拍照。她喜歡這個老師,還一起感悟人生認識了新朋友。后來我觀察過一個暑期下來,原本30人超員的國畫班,只剩下一半了。朝三暮四是孩子的本性,但堅持對一個人的一生來說是一項美好的品德。

                          我同樣不認同成績無用論,因為當今社會成績很重要,但絕對不是唯一,社會才是檢驗一個人的最終標準。18年學崖生活過了很多關的考試,為何沒有人教過我們,該怎樣去面對生活、婚姻這樣重要的難題?人格完善的孩子自帶光芒,這樣的難題不攻自破。

                          幼年的竹開始四年的時間僅僅長三厘米,可從第五年開始,以每天三十厘米的速度瘋狂生長,僅僅六周的時間就長到了十五米。因為在前面的四年,竹子將根在土壤里延伸了數百平米,才有后來的瘋長。

                          小學階段,就是讓孩子的根在土壤里廣泛延伸,厚積薄發是客觀規律。先見森林再見樹木,等體驗足夠,知道自己喜歡什么了,就在自己喜歡和擅長的領域深耕,持續性努力,一定會有所成就。

                          在這里說的觀點只代表我自己,不是什么普世價值,如果能得到您的認同,我很高興。www.numenleather.com

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