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                          “接受不如意”是對孩子情商的訓練

                          來源: www.numenleather.com 時間:2019-05-29 編輯: 人生感悟
                          “接受不如意”是對孩子情商的訓練

                          有一句老話叫“人生之事十之八九不如意”,你不知道在前方等待你的是苦難、沼澤還是春風和煦和旭日暖陽。當你處于人生的失意期時,不要妄自菲薄,也不要虛妄度日,要常想那一二,并從中找到勇氣和信心,看開困惑,消除煩惱,勇敢地直面人生,微笑迎接紛繁復雜的生活。

                          孩子沒有社會閱歷,不明對錯,所以父母要從小給孩子指明對與錯,樹立正確的人生價值觀。
                           
                          人生最難的是做對的事情,而我們父母呢?是否遵守了人生和道德的準則?是否在不自知的情況下給了孩子錯誤的引導?在幫助孩子成長的同時也是自我成長。
                           
                          例如孩子因為喜歡所以把朋友家的小噴壺偷偷拿回家了,他不認為自己做錯了,因為他既沒有打人也沒罵人,何況好朋友并不知道是他拿走小噴壺的……父母此時該怎么辦?默認、夸獎還是逼孩子認錯?
                           
                          這時我們可以告訴孩子:不是直接攻擊別人才是錯事,被看到和抓住的才是錯事。我們判斷一件事情對與錯的標準就是:我們喜不喜歡別人也這樣對待我們自己。錯誤的就是別人如此對待我們時,讓我們感到厭惡的行為;正確的就是別人這樣對待我們時,讓我們感到高興的行為
                           
                          其實我本人是比較反感教條式的說教的,所以我找了一些例子,看看有沒有你遇到的?下次再遇到這樣的情況,你因為有了準備和思考,就能更好的應對孩子的問題了。
                           
                          1.先說我家的兩個事兒吧。家里大女兒過生日,爸爸為她買了一雙輪滑鞋,她得意地拿出新輪滑鞋給妹妹炫耀,妹妹也想玩,我就建議那你們一人一圈吧,她們也同意了,可沒一會兒,兩人就為該輪到誰玩而爭吵不休。妹妹告狀姐姐不讓她滑,姐姐說我已經讓她玩了,可這是給我買的,不想讓妹妹多玩。面對兩個哭哭啼啼的小家伙,我趕緊找出一件也是不久前買的玩具,讓她倆各玩各的。
                           
                          事后爸爸批評我這可不是個好辦法。正確的做法是,把新輪滑鞋收起來,然后告訴他們,你們答應了媽媽輪流玩,應該做到,除非學會分享,否則就不再給他們玩了。因為此時正是教孩子與同伴分享的最好機會。分享是孩子們要學到的道德品質之一。所以不妨把每一次孩子間的沖突當作一次教育的機會,讓孩子通過自己摸索出來的分享方式來尋求解決問題的途徑。
                           
                          2.快要吃晚飯了,小女兒卻吵著鬧著要餅干。我不想因為飯前吃零食而影響她吃正餐,但覺得吃兩塊小餅干也不至于影響她吃飯,于是想了個折中的辦法。對女兒說,好吧,可以吃,但只能吃兩塊餅干噢。她聽到讓她吃,于是停止了哭鬧。
                           
                          我這么做對嗎?但制止了孩子的哭鬧,可也讓孩子明白只要哭鬧就能達到目的,至于零食好不好也變成了次要。只要孩子一哭鬧,你就把他要的東西給他,或者做些什么事情去哄他的話,這無異于鼓勵壞行為。如果你以前就是這一幕哄孩子的,不要一下全拒絕他,可能讓他感到強烈的挫折感甚至被父母拋棄,把他的要求打對折,等他得到了想要的,再慢慢講道理。所以,遇到這種情況,孩子急,家長不能急,他越是鬧我們越要保持冷靜。做一次深呼吸,對他這種糾纏說“不”。
                           
                          3.盡管下午同事有約要來家,可曉曉父母仍不愿錯過休息日的好天氣,帶女兒去游樂園玩。臨出門前,他們與4歲的曉曉約定,玩兩個小時后就得回家,否則就會使前來的叔叔阿姨等在家門外。曉曉聽后一口答應。當約定的時間到了,女兒卻死活不愿意上車回家。曉曉父母最后只得答應,如果曉曉按時回家的話,就送給她一個玩具,女兒這才同意。
                           
                          正確的做法是,把女兒抱上車回家。既然你的孩子已經承諾“兩小時后回家”,就該這樣做到。當然,比較理想的方法是,提前5分鐘就提醒孩子,一次次的交換條件只會助長孩子的不良習慣。
                           
                          4.“五一”長假里,敏敏媽媽接到老同學聚會的邀請,大家約好帶上各自的孩子共進午餐。所有的人都同意在一家餐館用餐。可是敏敏媽媽心里明白,6歲的女兒吃東西很挑剔,她從來不吃那些她不熟悉的或者看上去有些奇怪的食物。敏敏媽媽不禁犯愁:是自己先去買一份孩子喜歡吃的炸雞漢堡帶在身上,午餐時給女兒吃呢?還是不遷就,就讓挑剔的女兒嘗嘗新口味呢?結果,敏敏媽媽選擇了后者。
                           
                          這個選擇是正確的。讓孩子嘗嘗她不想吃的東西并不過分,實際上,孩子少吃一頓飯不是多么大不了的事。相反,如果父母過于關注孩子到底吃什么、吃沒吃等問題,反而會使問題復雜化。大多時候,孩子的情緒是受父母影響的,如果大家都高高興興地享受美好的時光,孩子自然也就不會在乎其他。
                           
                          5.樂樂每天都要到樓下的小公園玩,并在那結識了一些好朋友,當大家一起玩耍,朋友們都互相謙讓,看到朋友需要幫助也能上手幫忙。可最近來了一個陌生的男孩,也想加入他們的游戲,樂樂卻對  他橫眉冷對,并不許別的小朋友和那個孩子玩。
                           
                          這個時候父母不要強行讓別的孩子接受新成員,先問問孩子為什么不許?是怕陌生人的傷害,還是怕新人加入后大家玩得不如以前開心了?告訴孩子用正確的方式對待所有人,給別人機會也是給自己 你機會。你并不知道他加入后會更好還是更壞,試過才知道。有一種能力讓所有人都獲得快樂的,無論是對朋友還是陌生人。這種能力就是你的寬容的胸懷。
                           
                          很多情況下,父母希望自己做的每一件事都能讓孩子高興,但是作為父母必須清楚,作為家長,你們的態度和標準將影響到你的孩子能否成為一個明辨是非的人,所以,你必須做一些孩子不愿意接受的決定。
                           
                          林清玄說過:“你的環境并不能決定你的未來,你的過程也不能決定你的未來,而是你的心的向往決定了你的未來。”內心堅強樂觀的人哪怕遇到困難,也能依靠自身的力量安全度過去。如果孩子能明白并做到快樂地生活,便是多數父母的最大心愿。www.numenleather.com
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