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                          從小培養孩子合理的習慣性思維

                          來源: www.numenleather.com 時間:2019-05-07 編輯: 人生感悟
                          從小培養孩子合理的習慣性思維

                          和許多家長一樣我也認同對孩子進行挫折教育,孩子在體驗挫折的過程中學會有益人生的東西,性格上變得堅強。而一般意義的堅強是什么?是認為遇到挫折、失敗的時候,痛苦、壓力、煎熬、難受是“必然”的,所以,所謂的堅強就是忍耐力強,能挺住,受得了,不被打垮。

                          聽起來很讓人佩服,很勇敢,但是有些愚昧!就像義和團當年勇敢地向洋槍洋炮發起沖擊一樣!而且這也是一件不容易、困難、折磨人的事情,有時會把人壓垮了。所以,我們可以幫孩子建立一套容易可靠的方法,一些合理的習慣些思維,坦然面對挫折。
                           
                          那什么是習慣性思維?可以理解為佛家講的平常心吧,每一種習慣性思維都是一種人生的智慧。
                           
                          “塞翁失馬,焉知非福”,壞事不一定就是壞事
                           
                          “塞翁失馬,焉知非福”“福兮禍所伏,禍兮福所倚”。孩子也許聽不懂話中的真實意思,因為他們的人生閱歷還短。大人們也覺得這是一個很普通,很平常的道理,但是很少有人把它變成自己的習慣性思維,所以在遇到事情時很少習慣地從這個角度去想。以前我很疑惑,為什么讀了那么多書,明白了很多道理,但是為什么對自己沒有用呢?后來才明白,就是因為沒有把這些道理和具體的事情多結合,逐漸地把它變成習慣性思維,所以事到臨頭,根本想不起來。反思之后,再次遇到事情的時候習慣于從這個角度去考慮失敗、挫折:經過努力,壞事是可以變成好事的。最近不小心崴腳了,雖然是件壞事,但是難得的休在家里安心地呆著,寫寫博文,也很好。
                           
                          家長可以從具體事例出發,讓孩子體驗天下雨了不能去游樂場,但我們可以做一個快樂的游戲,讀到一本有意思的書,這都是收獲。
                           
                          孩子測驗成績不理想的時候,好好分析一下卷子,找到學習、習慣、技巧、方法等方面存在的問題,改進了,就會促進孩子的學習。孩子遇到的所有挫折、失敗,其實都是鍛煉孩子的好機會,善于引導,她體驗的道理比你磨破了嘴皮子還管用。
                           
                          在女兒遇到類似的事情時,我也和她一起探討,用這樣的思維方式去分析她遇到的事情:
                           
                          比如一個小朋友常常騙女兒,她不高興地像我傾訴被騙的痛苦,我告訴她:這也是件好事兒,讓你這么小就會識別謊言了;玩具壞了,她有些傷心,我告訴她:壞事變好事啊,我們再買個新的;學習暫時落后了,我說,沒關系啊,從后面追比被別人追壓力要小,成績越來越好的感覺其實不錯啊;逐漸地,壞事變好事就成了女兒的習慣性思維,自然,面多挫折的時候,就不那么愁眉苦臉,甚至會高興了。
                           
                          比挫折更可怕的是不知怎么面對糟糕的負面情緒
                           
                          生活中有些挫折的確關系重大,比如中考、高考、國考,但是絕大部分挫折、失敗不是那么重要,只是我們生命長河的一個波瀾而已。
                           
                          為什么有些不順利會給一些人造成巨大的影響,甚至放棄掉自己的生命?其實往往不是事情本身嚴重,而是人面對這個結果的時候,大腦認知放大了它的影響,把它看得很嚴重,而一個事情你覺得后果嚴重自然會有巨大負面情緒,對一起感悟人生心靈形成強大的壓力感。
                           
                          其實很多家長都有這樣的習慣性思維,對孩子的問題都喜歡上升到影響人生的高度,總是看到很長遠的影響。這么簡單的題都做不對,考試怎么辦?考不好,上不了重點咋辦?你的心思都在玩上,將來怎么辦?家長如此一來,孩子怎么能夠坦然、淡定呢。涉汲到孩子品質,多說無益呀!其實我們只需要看到事情的本身就行了,只是一次家庭作業,解決它就OK了。愛玩是孩子的天性,把所有孩子都培養成一個模樣,想想多可怕。鄭淵潔的《馴兔記》中說,你可以用50種方法教一個孩子,卻不要用一種方法教50個孩子。在此與所有家長共勉。
                           
                          比如平常一次家庭作業沒按要求好,一次期末考沒靠好,只要孩子平時學習做得好,成績考試有些波動有什么關系呢?波動本身也是一件很正常的,很多家長何苦那么一驚一乍,緊張兮兮的呢。
                           
                          最重要的是家長會很容易把這種夸大的思維模式“傳染”到孩子身上,即使家長不打不罵,什么也不說,孩子也會從家長緊張的表情、沮喪的態度中體驗到。時間久了,孩子也會夸大事情的后果,心態如何,可想而知了。
                           
                          《道德經》中說:知常曰明,這有多種解釋。www.numenleather.com我的理解是,知道了哪些是常理,知道這些事兒是正常的,就不會迷惑,就會看到它的本來面目:其實是沒什么的。
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