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                          說什么來生不見,不如過好現在

                          來源: www.numenleather.com 時間:2019-06-12 編輯: 人生感悟
                          說什么來生不見,不如過好現在

                          為已婚生娃的女性做一個假設:如果沒有孩子,下輩子還會選擇現在的老公嗎?結果半數以上在婚姻中的女性,給出的答案是不會,最好來生不復見。

                          她們中很多人有過這樣的經歷,讓我們產生了一種共鳴的感情。婚姻生活里,女人鞍前馬后忙著操持一家老小的生活,而男人卻像一個沒事人一樣,到時間喊餓,餓了就要求女人做飯,自己卻在那里等著飯端到面前來;孩子哭鬧,說自己又不是娘,扔給女人,而老公過著悠閑的單身生活,完全沒有承擔起一個男人的責任;家里大事小事一籮筐,男人一句輕飄飄的“我不擅長”“你來做我就不用做了”女人就要全程接管。這樣不公平的家庭生活,讓女人覺得:這樣的生活過得真夠了,為什么來生還要選擇受這種苦呢?是啊,這樣想也不是沒道理。
                           
                          尤其還有孩子,多數女人舍不得孩子受苦,寧可在婚姻中委屈自己。很多的女性求助心理機構,希望幫忙挽救婚姻。她們挽救婚姻的目的,不是因為多愛這個男人,更不是因為這段婚姻有利可圖,而是因為孩子。作為一個母親,她自己上刀山、下火海都無所謂,只要是自己的孩子生活得幸福快樂。更何況在孩子成長的年齡給予孩子一個安定完整的家庭環境,享受父母之愛,那么委屈一下自己,又有什么問題呢?
                           
                          很多不幸的婚姻里,都有這樣的因子在里面發酵。這個時候,孩子理所當然成為了維護婚姻的最大的穩定器。所以女人常說:“要是沒有孩子,我早就和你離婚了。”
                           
                          沒有孩子的婚姻確實很難抵抗生活的風浪,欲望和誘惑輕易就能讓兩人的感情土崩瓦解,沒有顧忌的婚姻就是不夠堅固。這是社會強塞進女人腦袋中的想法。這世界上哪有什么公平可言,只要還是女人生孩子,男女之間根本就不存在絕對公平,唯有妥協才能得到相對的公平。
                           
                          我不是鼓勵婚姻稍不如意的女人離婚,也不是教你忍受不幸的婚姻,期望哪天幸福就能從天而降。如果在婚姻里得不到對方尊重,這份婚姻不值得女人努力,只有一個人的努力抗不起婚姻的天枰。如果用孩子捆綁了婚姻,實際上就扭曲了婚姻的本質。依靠其他人或一些利益去堅守婚姻,一起感悟人生面對問題的時候,必然會計較的自己得與失,選擇的時候就會避重就輕,甚至會希望來生不復見。
                           
                          如果你們徹底溝通過,并都有改變婚姻現狀的希望,與其寄希望于來生不復見,不如好好努力提升婚姻的經營能力,將今生過得愜意幸福。
                           
                          你的身邊可能有這樣一位朋友,她的婚姻被多數人不看好,因為“不看好”她和老公努力經營婚姻,在朋友的婚姻紛紛瓦解或一片蒼夷中得以保全,居然過得還不錯。
                           
                          曾經住在我下鋪的高中女生就是這樣一位幸運的女孩。就開頭的那個問題我也問過她,她卻說:“我可能還是會選擇現在的老公。我的婚姻沒有你們說的那么幸福美滿,但我至少挺滿意。我們沒有愛得撕心裂肺,刻骨銘心,也不是矯情虛偽。開始因為家長反對,朋友也說你們成長背景不同,三觀也不一致,甚至學歷也差著幾個級,你們在一起有的聊嗎?不吵架才怪!開始確實有賭氣的成分,我就幸福給你們看,秀給你們看。慢慢我懂得了婚姻就是穿鞋子的道理。曾經無數次想放棄,也會懷疑自己是不是選擇了一個錯的人進入婚姻。后來看到朋友們的婚姻,曾經那么般配的也離了,曾經那么篤定一生的也各玩各的了。大部分婚姻都有這樣那樣的問題,不是誰不夠愛的問題,也不是誰不夠好,而是兩個人在一起要有共同的目標,積攢好好過日子的能力。
                           
                          這么多年,多少的爭吵,多少的磕絆。在難過的時候,想放棄的時候,他會哄我,雖然有時候很笨拙,但他一直愿意傾聽我內心的感受,去接納我的無理取鬧;同樣,在他事業不順的時候,生活不如意的時候,我也會著急,但是我還是會不自覺地堅定地支持他。孩子的存在,讓我們面對問題的時候,更多一份堅定。但是正是生活這些點滴,讓我們看到了彼此,保全了婚姻。”
                           
                          聽完她的話我自愧不如,在我的家庭中我不自覺就當起了那個說一不二的人,常把老公的忍耐力逼到邊緣。現在我明白了一個人有多大的忍耐力就有多深的愛,如果不愛誰會為你忍受。有時我明知道自己錯了,卻不肯認錯,運用所有的智慧為自己辯解。下次我該把那些小計謀用到經營婚姻上,多培養一些我們共同的愛好,兩個人共同成長,婚姻這棵大樹才能枝繁葉茂。
                           
                          好婚姻不是一開始注定就會幸福,而是兩個人愿意尊重彼此的所有習慣和努力,齊心協力過日子。www.numenleather.com
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